Current status: desperate wanderer. Definition: someone who is so beyond desperate to travel and see the world, that they’re going crazy. All I can think of and all that I want to do is get out of Sydney, and see the world.
I’ve started to write a novel, not sure where it’s going at the moment- but 3500 words certainly says i’m on my way. However, it’s an average 10,000 words per book (eek!). I wonder if I’ll actually finish it- I could even turn it into an eBook and sell it. That’s if it’s even good enough or if I finish it. But at the moment, it seems like it’ll get somewhere!
There’s a famous quote that goes, “If you do not like where you are. Move. You are not a tree.” And honestly, I find that so beautiful and so brutally honest. So right now, I currently feel like a tiny tree in the middle of a overwhelming forest. I need out. I need a new job, one where I don’t have to pay for it when customers rip me off. And I need a new landscape- I want to travel, I want to take photographs. I’m sick of studying subjects at university that don’t interest me. I’m sick of being stuck in an agency most weekday nights, watching people throw away their money, when i’m so eager and struggling to save my own. I’m a tree that’s too small to see the view above the others right now.
Lately, i’ve been feeling a little hopeless. Probably because i’ve been trying so hard with saving my money for America. Every spare cent, i’ve been putting aside- it’s just so difficult when you have to pay for literally everything yourself. Today, when my boyfriend was talking to me about it- he said it exactly spot on. I have to pay for everything myself- and once I find another job, my parents seem to talk me out of it somehow. I wanted to place uni on hold this semester so I could get a full time job, but my parents don’t even want me to do that. I don’t know what i’m doing- all I know is that I want to travel and I want to see the rest of the world, and i’m too stubborn to give up on my goals. I had to place my final payments for my snow trip next week- and my parents tried to talk me out of going, because they don’t think i’ll be able to save anything. But I have been saving and in fact, i’m doing really well. Not as well as Al, but getting there. So today, my head has been through quite a bit, with anxious thoughts nagging at the back of my mind. Today I felt hopeless.
Recently, I was very lucky to be given the opportunity to work with Flight Centre Australia- in regards to my photo’s. They’re paying me to use my photo’s for their online campaign- which i’m still pinching myself about. Since then, i’ve been lusting over travelling. The thoughts of giving up university for a semester and working two jobs has crossed my mind one too many times. I’ve been bitten by the travel bug, badly. Needless to say, I need to get out of Sydney ASAP.
Sometimes I can be quite intense. It’s an irrational behaviour I (and i’m sure most others) experience, when your anxiety levels are quite high. I really hate that I do this, especially to the others around me who have to endure me. So this is me, apologising for whenever I am like that- and don’t realise it at the time.
So recently I built up enough courage to go out on a whim, and ask a large travel agency/company if they would be interested in working together on a collaboration. As a photographer, with my roots dug deep in the social media aspect, it would be a win-win for both of us. Publicity for them- travelling for me. Then when they replied with a positive response, not only did I kind of screamed like a little girl, but it got me thinking. Could I do more? Could I reach out and ask more companies or travel businesses? Well, duh. So I followed my new profound life motto “you never know, until you try” and went for it. Although it seems like a slow start, I’ve had a few positive responses. Who would have thought?! Despite all of this, I even had a thought of turning my photography website into more of a blog, and eventually, maybe, I could even try creating a youtube account- if i’m to travel? I see beautiful and talented women being able to do it all, so why couldn’t I? Could I do this? Could I?