Sometimes I can be quite intense. It’s an irrational behaviour I (and i’m sure most others) experience, when your anxiety levels are quite high. I really hate that I do this, especially to the others around me who have to endure me. So this is me, apologising for whenever I am like that- and don’t realise it at the time.
So recently I built up enough courage to go out on a whim, and ask a large travel agency/company if they would be interested in working together on a collaboration. As a photographer, with my roots dug deep in the social media aspect, it would be a win-win for both of us. Publicity for them- travelling for me. Then when they replied with a positive response, not only did I kind of screamed like a little girl, but it got me thinking. Could I do more? Could I reach out and ask more companies or travel businesses? Well, duh. So I followed my new profound life motto “you never know, until you try” and went for it. Although it seems like a slow start, I’ve had a few positive responses. Who would have thought?! Despite all of this, I even had a thought of turning my photography website into more of a blog, and eventually, maybe, I could even try creating a youtube account- if i’m to travel? I see beautiful and talented women being able to do it all, so why couldn’t I? Could I do this? Could I?
Today, at work, a girl I work with was wearing a Marc Jacobs watch, like myself. And to be honest, anything by Marc Jacobs should be a appreciated to it’s very last cent – since it costs so damn much. I treat mine like gold, and when it got it’s first scratch- I died a little. But this girl’s watch had been completely scratched all over- she might has well driven over it. I could hardly see the time on it. So, I can honestly say my “inner-girl” was crying. Just as Angela Clark cried as her blue MJ’s satchel was blown up at the airport (regard to Lindsey Kelk’s novels). But who wouldn’t cry if their $500 bag was blown up? Let alone a $300 watch. I stand corrected.
I think from a week of having the flu, and a week of seeing nobody- but the customers at my work (god help me), has given me a seriously depressed vibe. That vibe where I don’t care about my exams coming up, I don’t care if I fail. I just want to feel happier, than I have been for the last week. I just want to go on holiday. I just want to see the world, and feel like my life is worth living if I do something I want to do.
Lately, the thought of travelling has really gotten me some kind of “travel-bug-fever”. America, to me, is a dream come true. I would move there if I could. But the lack, in a vote of confidence from my parents has left lingering anxiety. Financially, my family have never had the spare money to travel, and that’s a sad, but true fact. That lingering anxiety has led to a sad obsession over a photography competition, to win flights to America. To me, $4000, is so much money. And I could quite possibly need more if I don’t win this competition. I find myself agitated, through the idea of losing this competition- to someone else’s crappier photo (no offence to them, and hopefully I don’t sound too much like a competitive asshole- sigh, I probably do. Sorry). I just want to see America more than anybody, and i’m just so anxious over the money side of things. Gaining a second job is not an easy thing to do- especially when some people can’t even get one job.
That simple little quote from the android, in one of my favourite- yet weirdest movies, Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Sometimes, you just don’t want to talk about life. But really-and truthfully, how long can you really go without talking about it? Eventually you just, SNAP- and it all comes tumbling down. Life happens. Friends go. Friends come. Cars break down. Disks get scratched. Family members pass away. Assignments fail. But you have to remember that new friends are made. Cars can be fixed. Disks become digital formats. New family members arrive and you can ace assignments. You just have to remember to enjoy what you have in front of you. E.g. Today I enjoyed how many leaves were covering the uni and how the anticipation of playing online with Al, got me through a tough night at work. Remember to enjoy today. Not the next hour. Not tomorrow. Not how will you will pay off the mortgage to your future house in 20 years. Just today. So give it time, and life will roll out the red carpet for you, and I know you’ll be strutting your stuff.
Today, on the bus to work, I waited for several people to get off, before letting three elderly on first. Only then, did I get on the bus. This is a regular routine- it’s just polite manners, to those around us. However, once I arrived at my destination, everybody (majority male- not being sexist -was in actual fact, roughly 8-10 school boys / workmen) got up straight away, pushing and shoving- not even stopping for the elderly, to get off the bus. I just sat there and waited for every single person to get off before myself, because it was chaos. And then it hit me; is chivalry dead? Is there no such thing as opening doors for women, letting the elderly off first, etc? Obviously women, elderly, myself and whomever else don’t expect it all the time, but it would be nice to know if it could happen. And it doesn’t as often anymore, as the world is full a new generation of kids; ones with smartphones glued to their hands. 60 years ago, the world was right, in regards to gentlemen and lady codes – or so it seems to me. Our world has no moral values anymore.